Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
