i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
