My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
