I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
