You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
