I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
