i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
