that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Shame - the story of my life.
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