So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
