So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
