Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
