No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
