Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
