guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
