So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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