Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
