just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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