Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
