I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
