It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sorry about my life...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
