So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Of course I have a pirate flag
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
