I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize