Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
