dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
