i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
