He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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