its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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