would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the day after is always just damage control
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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