Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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