I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Holy shit dude........stairs
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