Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
