Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
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