the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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