Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
