People with herpes should wear stickers.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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