I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
