my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this just has baby written all over it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
