I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
