She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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