i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
