He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
