Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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