Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
