I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
