Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
