My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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