i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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