my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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