worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
