end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
