he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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