i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
