I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
