last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
