1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
