Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
