you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
