Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
