But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
