I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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