I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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