Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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