dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize