o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
