Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize