He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
