last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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