I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
