Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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