I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm getting married
To pizza
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
