i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
