let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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