do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
