You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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