Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As shirtless as possible
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
