he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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