The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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