I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
