i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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