i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize