At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
