Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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